


Now

by istanraven



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istanraven/pseuds/istanraven
Summary: After his confession on a roof, his proposition in her apartment and hours of her accessory denial, Selina Kyle finds herself standing in the doorway of Bruce Wayne's kitchen ready to forget the future, and begin living in the now.( based around Gotham's 3x05 - 3x07, Selina's point of view)





	Now

“That’s not all.” Bruce said, his voice almost getting lost in the sounds of the city, but Selina heard it. Her footsteps halted as she turned back around, the obvious frustration probably apparent on her face as she walked back to stand in front of him. 

He’d gotten her hopes up, the thought that Ivy may have survived the fall filled her mind when Bruce had told her about getting Gordon on the case, but he had disappointed her. Maybe she was just disappointed in herself, she hadn’t been able to save her, and she was the only person who would, but she failed. 

“We’ve been friends a long time, Selina.” He started, staring at her with a conviction she hadn’t seen a moment before, causing her to furrow her brows, waiting to hear what else he had to say that deserved the importance of solitude on a roof. 

“And ever since you’ve known me I’ve been dedicated to one thing.” He said, his eyes flickering across her face. “But that’s done. I don’t know what’s next, but I know-”

“Would you please,” she said, impatience lining her words. “Just say what you mean.” 

“I like you.” He said, an equal conviction in his words as the look on his face. His eyes had grown wider as he stared at her, a breath escaping him as if he’d been holding it in for so long, and he’d finally been able to let it out. “As more than a friend.”

The initial shock hadn’t registered until a moment after. The kid thought he liked her. The billionaire thought he liked the street trash, the girl that had to reach into pockets at partys to get her next meal. While he went to parties as an invited guest, where he’d speak with other rich people about the economy and what they did during their travels abroad in their multiple houses across the world. He wasn’t supposed to like her, he was supposed to like some polished, pretty girl that had money and could care about him like he cared about her.

He wasn’t supposed to like her.

He couldn’t.

She looked back up at him, squinting her eyes slightly, trying to gage his reaction at her silence. Her gaze flickered across his face, trying to read if he was even telling the truth, if this was just some joke. Or maybe he was just desperate for any sort of love, she’d understand that all too well. Love and companionship had been all too scarce in both of their lives.   
Then again, Bruce didn’t have a lot of opportunities, he’d barely gone to any of these clubs or important city meetings. The only people he really interacted with, at least who she knew of, was herself and Alfred. 

“It would be nice if you said something back.” He said, his gaze dropping to the ground before looking back up at her, unease had settled into his features, replacing the conviction he had before. 

“How many girls have you dated?” She questioned, tilting her head slightly to watch him. 

“What do you mean?” He said, shaking his head, obvious confusion written on his face. He’d probably was thinking he’d receive a different reply, an ‘i like you too.’ 

“It’s not a trick question.” She said, “how many girls have you dated?”

“None.” He replied.

“None.” She confirmed, nodding her head, humming and looking off behind him as if in deep thought. “ Have you ever thought that maybe, you only like me because I’m literally the only girl you know?” She pressed, watching the him frown slightly, his brows furrowed.

“That’s not true, I feel something.” He said firmly, and Selina lifted a brow. She’d expected him to back down, to tell her to have a good evening and leave down to the party, not push back. 

“I know you do too, we’re the same.” 

“In what universe are we the same?” She voiced, exasperation apparent in her voice. 

“The money doesn’t matter.” He said loudly, the sounds of the city had disappeared from Selina’s range as all she could hear was him. 

“Try not having it, it matters.” She said firmly.

She didn’t expect for him to take another step closer to her, his dark eyes flickering across her face as if searching for something, something he wouldn’t be able to find.

“There’s something between us.” Bruce said quietly, but the firmness stayed apparent in her voice. “I know there is.” He said quieter this time. “You have to see that.” The affirmity disappearing from his words, leaving Selina to stare at the Bruce who had just let down his walls, the Bruce who’d just let her see everything. This boy felt too much, she thought, as she watched him look down at her. 

Maybe he had been telling the truth, maybe he did actually care for her.   
Maybe she’d for once let herself think that someone could actually care about her, that someone could actually stay. 

Maybe.

“Rule one.” She said taking a step closer to him watching his eyes widen, “Don’t ever, tell me what I have to do.”

She leaned up, grasping onto his shoulders before lifting herself up to press her lips against his. He froze for a moment before leaning more towards her before she pulled away, lifting her hands from his shoulders. 

“So,” he started, “you do have feelings for me? I’m confused.” Uncertainty was written across his face and in the crease between his brows as he frowned slightly, looking down at her. 

“Good.”

With that being said, she turned around, making her way back to the club, her heels clicking across the pavement on the roof. She expected him to disappear again, head off to Switzerland then come back looking for her on the streets, wanting to give her another snowglobe. 

Then again he kept doing the unexpected lately. 

She’d gotten back to her apartment the next day after looking for Ivy, some stolen cat food in her hand as she walked into her small, dimly lit living room. It sounded oddly quieter, meows usually accompanied her arrival, but she was met with silence. Quietly, she slowly stalked into her living room, her senses were telling her something was wrong, or maybe she was being paranoid. The moment she stepped in and saw the figure sitting on her couch, the light from the open window streaming onto him, she immediately knew who it was. She didn’t know whether to let herself feel the immeasurable happiness that had just shot through her, or feel disappointed in herself for dragging this boy into the mess of her life. 

She shouldn’t have kissed him.

She should've let him move on with his life, like she had countless times, why couldn’t she do it now?

A moment had passed before she realized one of her cats were curled up, sleeping silently on his lap as he ran his fingers through her fur. An involuntary smile made its way onto her face, as she watched the scene unfold in front of her, but she quickly sobered at the remembrance of their situation. Selina cleared her throat, watching as his head quickly shot up, his dark eyes flitting up to meet hers. The smile didn’t drop from his face as he looked at her and she suddenly didn’t know what to do with her hands as memories from the night before flooded her mind.

For a moment she couldn’t think of what to say, part of her wanted to say she was glad to see him while the other wanted to tell him to leave, that this wasn’t going to work out.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, finally.

“I wanted to see you.” He replied, a softness to his words that caused Selina to drag her gaze away from him, desperate in her attempt to push him away. She couldn’t watch his face as she walked out of his life again, it nearly broke her the last time. He would make her weak, stop her from being strong enough to do what had to be done. 

The more she thought about the night before the harder her decision became. She didn’t want to take back what she’d done last night, she cared for the boy. It really scared her how much she cared. But she wasn’t right for him, she would never be right for him. That’s why whatever was between them, no matter how much feelings were involved, she couldn’t let this happen. 

“Look, Bruce. The kiss, it didn’t mean anything, okay? It didn’t mean that you need to just come to my apartment whenever you want to see me, I’m fine on my own, I’ve always been.” She said, crossing her arms as she looked anywhere except at Bruce. 

In the corner of her eye she saw him move to stand up but immediately froze as his gaze dropped down to the sleeping cat on his lap. 

“I know you don’t mean that.” He said, firmly.

“Right, because you know me?” 

“Yes.”

She let out a humourless laugh before placing the cat food on her table, turning back around to finally look back at him. 

“You don’t know anything about me.” She said, watching Bruce’s firmity on his face falter for a moment.

“I know that you don’t want to be alone,” he started. “I know that you’re scared to let people in because you’re afraid they’ll leave you, like your mother.”

Immediate anger burst through her as she watched him look up at her. Bruce thought he knew her, Bruce really thought he did. It was just like him to assume things, the make it known that the great Bruce Wayne knew everything. 

But the more the piercing words settled into her mind, the more that the reality of them started to kick in. Maybe it hurt so much to hear them because they were true. Maybe the reason she wasn’t letting him in was because of the fact that she knew someone deep inside of her that she could grow to love this boy sitting on her couch, staring up at her with his big dark eyes. She knew that she’d begin to care for him, and he would leave, and she’d be left broken.

“Leave, Bruce.” She said firmly.

He looked up at her for a moment before lightly lifting the cat from his lap before placing her back on the couch where she curled herself back up again. She’d been too distracted watching the cat to realize that Bruce had stepped closer to her. 

“You’re trying to push me away, but I know that’s not what you want.” 

The light from the window had streamed in, casting a warm glow on his face as he looked down at her. 

“Leave.” She said louder, pointing towards the door. 

He stayed in front of her, his gaze unwavering as he watched her. He opened his mouth as if he were to say something before he stopped himself. She watched as a hopelessness flickered across his face, as if he were then realizing the gravity of the situation. They both knew the reality of her words, she wanted him to leave and not ever come back. She wanted him to go, to walk out the door and not question her anymore, to just let her live on her own, she didn’t deserve him.

“Six o’clock, tomorrow night, Wayne Manor.” He said, his eyes flickering nervously across her face. “If you don’t show, I’ll know why. But, Selina,” he murmured, his features softening as he looked down at her, “if you feel anything for me, come.” 

With that he turned around, heading out where she had just come in before the small apartment dove back into silence, only the silent purrs of the cat against Selina’s leg could be heard.

She wasn’t going, she told herself the moment he’d left.

She wasn’t going, she told herself the next morning while sitting on the couch he’d sat in the day before, eating food out of a can, thinking about how nice it would be to have a warm, home cooked meal made by Alfred.

She wasn’t going, she told herself at five thirty, watching the clock slowly tick on the wall above her table, the same clock she’d been precisely keeping track of for the past few hours as she came in and out of her apartment.

Every slight shift of the arm on the clock brought more guilt and sadness to weigh down on her shoulders. The more she kept telling herself this was the right thing to do, the more she began to not believe herself. 

This would never work out, and it was better to not start something that was going to end with both of them hurt. 

Anything that involved her always got destroyed anyways, she wouldn’t want to wreck the kid, like she’d wrecked her out life. Like she’d wrecked her mom’s, that’s why she had left, Selina had ruined her life, a child wasn’t what she wanted, so left her like she was something easily disposable. She knew she’d destroy Bruce, then she’d be thrown to the side, another girl from a wealthy, healthy, family to soon take her place. 

She hated feeling this way, she hated it more than anything, that she could be easily disposable, because she was. If she’d just disappeared no one would care, no one would even notice.

Ivy was gone because of her, Bridget too. She had already ruined both of their lives, involving them in things they shouldn’t have been involved in, that she shouldn’t have been involved in. It was because of her that they were gone, it would be because of her that Bruce would be gone too. 

She couldn’t let anything happen to him, not because of her. 

Staying away would be the best thing for both of them.

Temptations kept coming into her mind, wanting to desperately grab the leather jacket hanging on the chair and head on her way to Wayne Manor. Reasons not to kept flowing through her mind. She was a bad person, she stole to get what she needed to survive. That was who she was and it’s what she needed to do, of course she wasn’t ashamed of that, she never would be ashamed of herself, she didn’t have to apologize to anyone because of it. Then again, Bruce was good, he was light in the pure darkness and chaos of Gotham. He desperately wanted to always do what was good, he wanted to help people, he wanted to help her. She couldn’t be saved, she was too far off. The more she thought about the more something came to her realization, this would be a risk, so much could go wrong in both of their lives, they could destroy each other, she could destroy him. 

But isn’t the risk what makes life worth living, feeling the adrenaline rushing through their veins at the instability of the situation, not knowing what was going to happen. Not being scared for the future, but living in the here and now, jumping straight off into the deep end no matter how terrifying and wrong it may seem. 

Maybe she’d truly gone insane, maybe she’d finally decided to go against everything she’d stood for. 

Maybe, she thought, as she look in through the window of the kitchen, watching as Bruce sat at the table alone, her eyes flickered to the clock that read eight and something in her broke as she looked back at Bruce who was still waiting for her, a full meal still placed on the table.

She pulled herself in through the usual window in the study before walking slowly down the hall, closer and closer to the kitchen. Every step brought a new doubt into her mind, the continual thought that this wouldn’t work, she was dooming both of them. She stood now quietly in the doorway, he hadn’t spotted her yet and neither had his butler who had grabbed one of the dishes from the table, bringing it to the counter. She realized this was her last opportunity to leave, to make it seem like she’d never shown up there, then he could forget about her, move on. She could take that opportunity. 

Screw that. 

She was going to get what she wanted, she was tired of just surviving, she wanted to live. She wanted to live with Bruce Wayne in her life, or what was the point of anything?

“You always bring your butler along on dates?” She asked, her hand grasping on the frame to the door as she made herself known in the room. Bruce’s head immediately lifted, his gaze on her now and she immediately felt her heart begin to race. 

There was no turning back now. 

He stood up slowly, pushing the chair back as his gaze on her remained unwavering.

Alfred turned back to look at him before looking back at her, “Right,” he said, “I’ll leave you to it.” Then he left the room, offering her an ‘excuse me’ as he passed her, leaving the two in silence at the looked at each other, the gravity of the situation starting to weigh down on them. 

“You’re late.” He said, breaking the silence, an immediate frown making its way onto her face. 

“Something came up,” she said. In truth something had come up, her desperate attempts at trying to persuade herself not to come had forced her into a continual process of ‘needing’ to take care of her cats, as well as cleaning her dingy apartment multiple times. “Jeez, chill.” She looked back over at the plates of food scattered across the table, “Alfred really outdid himself,” she said, smiling.

“I made all of it,” he immediately said, “for you.”

“What’s with the attitude?” She replied, walking closer to him.

“I thought you stood me up,” He said and she watched as she saw the fear that flickered across his face. He’d been scared that she wasn’t coming, that what he felt for her was only one sided. 

“I got busy, but I’m here aren’t I?” She said. 

He stood there for a moment, looking down at her before a small smile made its way onto his face.

“You’re here.” He murmured, his eyes softening immensely, an immeasurable hope filling his gaze. 

“Listen,” she said quietly, watching him, “This? Me and you? It’s not going to be easy.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” He replied.

There was silence for a moment while they continued to stare at each other, a question slowly started to burn in Selina’s mind and she didn’t even try to stop herself from asking.

“Why me?”

He sat for a moment, looking down at her, confusion lurking in his eyes. He looked as if he were trying to process her, his gaze flitting across her face, silence accompanying the room once again. She watched as he slowly shook his head before speaking again.

“I’ve already told you, Selina.” he started, softly. “I’ll never meet anyone else like you, I’ll never meet anyone else that I would trust so wholeheartedly with my life.” He voiced fervently and Selina’s eyes widened for a second, recapturing a distant memory in the study, a year before. “I feel tied to you in a way that I can’t even begin to explain, but wouldn’t even think to change,” he paused for a moment, his gaze increasingly softening, “ever.”

This was probably going to go up in flames.

This would probably destroy both of them in the process. 

This would probably throw both of them into a deeper mess than they were already in, their lives didn’t need anymore problems or complications.

Then again.

She was sick and tired of the probablys.

“So,” she started, “You gonna cut the cake or what?” 

She was certain for the first time in a long time now as she sat across from Bruce, watching as he took his small bites of cake from his fork, continuously looking up at her as if trying to remind himself that she was there, that she’d shown up. That her coming meant something for her like it meant something for him.

She wasn’t sure of what the future held for either of them, but she was certain in that moment that she would never stop caring for the boy in front of her, no matter how much uncertainty she’ll always have. He’d chosen her. He’d chosen the wreck of a girl, living on the streets, without anyone. He’d chosen her and she was choosing him. Because she didn’t want to survive anymore, she didn’t want to live with maybes and doubts going through her head.

She wanted to live in the now. 

She looked up from her slice of cake suddenly, watching as Bruce’s gaze flickered up to meet hers. He slowly stopped chewing, his dark eyes never leaving hers before a small smile light his face, a brightness in his eyes that she hadn’t noticed before was visible and she felt herself smile back. 

Yeah, she thought, he was her now.


End file.
